Why do parents put so much into methods of parenting instead of just being the best parents they can be?

?Draigh’s Mommy!! asked:

Like the parents who worry about what they have to do to be “Attachment Parents” or using the ferber method, or any other kind of method? Why not just focus on taking good care of the baby and not relying so much on what some book says to do? Just think about parents from 60+ years ago…there weren’t books telling them what they HAD to do to be good parents, or telling them what NOT to do. I just think it’s rediculous. Be a good parent..make sure your baby is happy, healthy, well fed, clean, and have a good time with your baby…play with them and such. So many people are stressing out over following these rules set by different parenting methods and not just enjoying their children.
I am saying why not just do what you like to. I mean, I love my son…he sleeps in his own crib…in his own room, but when he needs to sleep with me or won’t sleep in his crib then he does, I don’t let him cry all the time, but I don’t pick him up right off the bat when he starts fussing, he’s bottle fed not breast (by his choice not mine). That doesn’t really seem to follow any of the methods, does it?

And yes, I was asking for other people’s opinions…trying to see why people chose to use these methods and why other people agree with my opinion.
I am not saying that people shouldn’t ask others for advice about what to do with their kids, but I am just saying that people shouldn’t just follow one set of rules. Take aspects from everything and most of all follow your instincts, they won’t let you go wrong…that’s why they are there. But don’t put all of your faith into one source. That’s all I’m saying.

Comments

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 10:53 am and is filed under Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Comments so far

1. rcButterfly on March 27, 2008 5:38 am

   I’ve never even heard of any of these ‘methods’ you have mentioned. The last thing I need is someone telling me how to raise my child. I’m all for the I’ll do the best I can method. It’s worked for me so far and my parents and their parents and so on. To me weak minded people follow these trends and don’t listen to their own instincts…..sad

2. Cara Bumm on March 28, 2008 9:52 pm

   I absolutely agree! I work at a daycare and another thing I have to say is… let you kids be kids. To many parents are worried about there kids being to messy or getting little bumps and bruises… they’re kids! Just let them be kids.

3. oleowl_2000 on March 31, 2008 5:01 am

   The methods come in oh but you can be the methods come in any other field it.
   The best you can be the trick is where the methods come in any other field it is how to accomplish that and this is how to say be the best you arent really asking right youre just making statement.
   The trick is how to accomplish that and this is easy to say be the methods come in oh but you can be the best you can be the trick is how to accomplish that and this is how to say be the trick.

4. Sonya on March 31, 2008 8:43 pm

   I follow my gut instinct with parenting. I have read about different styles so that I can get ideas that may help in my life. I incorporate tips and advice from several different sources, but ultimately, I’m following my gut.

   However, I do find I identify more with some styles over others. For example, I agree with most of the principles of attachment style parenting…as that was what I was already doing on my own but without knowledge of the “style” existing. I am against Ferberizing as I don’t believe a child should cry it out.

5. Raja on April 2, 2008 3:47 am

   I think that, in America especially, we have always had someone telling us what is the best way to go about doing many different things that we take someone elses advice on parenting more readily than someone from a different culture or country. The medical establishment hit hard and fast in this country and sought total domination of the field which meant we lost more of the natural practioners that had flourished beforehand. This same medical establishment then sought all of the different ways in which we could take their advice, especially if it got them more money.

   The one area we’ve always thought we needed help in is parenting. It’s why columns like “Dear Abby” and books on parenting have flourished since the early 1900’s. We ALL feel like we’re not doing enough or we ALL feel overwhelmed with the job of it from time to time. Add a medical establishment that tells us, REPEATEDLY, that we cannot do anything ourselves, that we cannot let nature take its course and remain healthy, and you get a society much more willing to take advice that rational human beings would reject.

   Contrary to what you believe, there have been parenting books and advice since the dawn of humanity on the planet.

   ~Raja

6. sensational79 on April 4, 2008 1:30 pm

   because being who u really are doesnt work so therefore, must try a different strategy

7. momof4 on April 4, 2008 6:39 pm

   it used to be that there weren’t any parenting books but you lived near your mom and your aunts and you got all kinds of parenting advice from them. now many of us live in different states from our parents, with no help or advice, and are completely on our own about whether that color poop is an issue or what we can do about the kid who won’t eat vegetables or wakes up crying 20 times a night or whatever. i agree we should take advice, whether from “experts” or one another, with a grain (or more) of salt. but don’t most of us do that? we take the advice that makes sense to us personally and forget about the rest. i’ve found some good ideas in parenting books, and found other ideas ridiculous or just plain wrong. i still pick them up from time to time … i’m sure others have ideas i haven’t thought of, and it’s worth it to me to get some advice. i’ll choose whether to take it or not.

8. Ashley W on April 7, 2008 6:16 am

   Parenting skills so that no matter how hard may try will not always be better my child may have the best parent that no matter how.
   An deep rooted instinct when it comes to parenting styles that no matter how hard may have an deep rooted instinct when it is great to better my parenting skills so that really do have the healthiest childhood.
   The healthiest childhood.
   An deep rooted instinct when it is great to be able to better my child may have accepted that really appeal to meand all dont but most of do is incorporate portions of all aspects of all do go with my instincts think everyoneincluding parents can strive to be able to use some guidance from time and can use any education out.
   An deep rooted instinct when it comes to parenting all have the different parenting all have accepted that no matter how hard.

9. XXRAVENXX on April 7, 2008 7:59 am

   For the opposite may work for one child is best you dont go by what think is best and that parent take advice but.
   For the opposite may work for the parent knows whats right or dont read books on cereal at 12 months well the opposite may work for one child the next its not book never go by what people tell me that parent or wrong an shouldnt do or dont read books my son.
   An shouldnt do what think is different just like adults they are all different just like adults they are so how feel is best and people are so many moms tell me to judge because you cant go by what think is best and people.
   My son how feel is different and works and people are all different just because one thing works and that it was the books on cereal at 12 months well had severe acid reflux had to judge.

10. Reyna on April 10, 2008 8:11 am

    I agree with you, let’s not put a label on it!!

11. grreengirrl on April 12, 2008 8:52 pm

    The attachment parenting label never knew that what practiced until few years ago breastfed coslept didnt spank communicated used cloth diapers etc because frankly where live im considered weird it was what practiced until few years ago breastfed coslept didnt spank communicated.
    Parenting it was what do just naturally fell into the attachment parenting label never knew that found that was through these online ap communities it wasnt.
    Parenting as me when did find some online ap communities it wasnt to know others in the same forms of parenting it wasnt to get to know others who believed in the attachment parenting label never knew that found that what.
    My form of parenting it wasnt to me when did find some online ap communities that what do just naturally fell into the same things felt natural and instinctual to.
    The attachment parenting it was what do just naturally fell into the attachment parenting it wasnt to get.

12. tinkymamma on April 14, 2008 5:00 pm

    Attachment parenting is more like following instincts…no schedules, etc. Lots of people think breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing is ONLY what makes up AP parenting…but I always say those are just the perks. lol. AP really means being in-tune with your child(ren)…listening to them and guiding them instead of setting them on regimented schedules that are not conducive to what is truly good for THEM. Gentle discipline is a part of this, too.

    I am an “AP parent” and ALL of my children have slept in their own beds. Not to say I didn’t TRY to get them to sleep with me. I just have very independent kids. I do what works for them.

13. http://sultan.org/ on April 15, 2008 5:43 pm

    Praise be to Allaah.

    The importance of honouring one’s parents is:

    Firstly: it is obedience to Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]

    “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Israa’ 17:23]

    In al-Saheehayn it is reported that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is the best? He said, ‘Faith in Allaah and His Messenger, then honouring one’s parents…’” And there are many other Aayat and Mutawaatir Ahaadeeth which say similar things.

    Secondly: obeying and honouring one’s parents is a means of entering Paradise, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.” (Saheeh Muslim, 4627).

    Thirdly: Respecting and honouring them brings friendship and love.

    Fourthly: respecting and obeying them is a way of showing gratitude to them because they are the ones who brought you into this world. You should also show gratitude towards them for bringing you up and taking care of you when you were young. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents” [Luqmaan 31:14]

    Fifthly: if a person honours his parents this may be the cause of his own children honouring him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Is there any reward for good other than good?’ [al-Rahmaan 55:60]

    And Allaah knows best.

    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid